My Life in His Hands

Just ten minutes after I’m checking my Yahoo inbox, another 10 new emails need to be read. Luckily, Maxis prepaid broadband in the morning is much faster than it is in the evening. Last two years, I used TMnet dial-up and it took me two days to going through 200 emails.

An email entitled “PGCE 2011/2012 TERM” attracted my attention. I’ve never thought this is a shocking email.

Dear Students I hope all is well with you. I have good news for all of you ... I hope it is good news. We have received an allocation to send all of you for PGCE together with your other friends for the 2011/2012 Term. All those in the University of Surrey and King's College London will go to St. Mary's University College and those in the University of Nottingham, Birmingham and Manchester will go to the University of Nottingham.

Everyone, please get back to me ASAP if you have any questions and if you are back in Malaysia. I want to emphasize that everyone will have to do PGCE, no exception.

Allahu akbar! Honestly, I can’t describe how I feel up till now, neither happy nor sad. I should be glad because Allah gives me another chance to be in a place like heaven on earth, due to its bi’ah solehah, the Islamic environment surrounds the people. Nonetheless, I do admit, I’m sad because the purpose I choose to pursue my study in Malaysia is to cater my families’ need. So that I will always be with them whenever they need me.

The only question raised in my mind is, what destiny Allah has designed for me? Where my life is actually leading to. My qada’ and qadar are truly out of my knowledge. What happened is totally out of my mind. I’ve never thought, I’ll be able to come back to Nottingham, at least in three years time.  In fact, in three months, I’ll be there again.

Aside from thinking how should I settling my PGCE registration, all my packed stuffs which will be shipped soon, the rent house I’ll be living in Nottingham, flight ticket, etc, it is funny to think, the reactions of my friends. Will they be able to accept me back, after tears, after numbers of goodbye cards, after lots of farewell gifts, after few farewells moments? Surely, I’ll be killed by them.

Oo Lord, guide me, please.


"Verily, my solah, my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of all that exists." 


Nur Suhaila Zulkifli 
Negeri Sembilan.